ChrisL64

The Road goes ever on and on.
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way.
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say.

—Bilbo Baggins

If ever there were a road as long as life itself, it’s the game of chess. I learned how the pieces move more than 45 years ago now, and I’ve fallen in and out of obsession with the royal game many times since, but the evanescent existence of my hopes of becoming a good player¹ flashed and faded away in just a few short months in the early 90s.

That feeling of failure frustrated me for decades. I rarely stopped following the chess scene or reading about chess history, but I didn’t actually play.

Then, after a series of truly unfortunate, life-changing events ², and a long time undergoing various ensuing treatments, I suddenly realized I no longer cared about competition in the same way.

And when I say “suddenly,” I mean it: I had a moment of profound insight and clarity, my madeleine de Proust not a “squat, plump little cake,” but instead former Icelandic Chess Federation President Gudmundur Thorarinsson’s (too) thin book The Match of All Time³, peering into me from my nightstand one rainy morning.

For reasons lost along with the turbulent dreams of a fitful sleep, I instantaneously understood it was OK to love chess though I would likely never rise to even the level of being competent at it. Without warning I knew it was just fine to be a fan with no pretense to being a “real” player. And, most pertinent to this post, I found myself ready—actually a bit desperate—to immerse myself in learning, training, solving puzzles, and occasionally even playing purely for the enjoyment of it. Even better, this newfound equanimity allowed these pursuits to begin to occupy a prominent place in my larger approach to improved mental health and mindfulness.

And that is the long-winded introduction to the genesis of this site: it is a place where I will share my love of the greatest game⁴ in whatever way feels right, including practical items like puzzles, resources, thoughts about events past and present, and notes about my training progress, but also my unique(ish) approach to chess as a means of improved emotional well-being in the face of unrelenting chronic depression and PTSD^{5 6}.

Photo by Joris Beugels on Unsplash